Sunday, May 9, 2010

Making Memories Monday & Montessori Monday: Pregnancy , Mommyhood, & Loss

Mother's Day was a wonderful day for me and hope that it was for you, too, to all moms reading this post...
Big Bro and Little Bro both gave me beautiful roses, as well as chocolates that they had selected themselves.
They gave me a lovely card and then, Dear Hubby made a great breakfast for all of us.
We then got to go visit G and spend time with my mom, for a very nice, multi-generational Mother's Day.
We then went out for a late lunch / early dinner and then, spent much of the rest of the day relaxing at the pool, taking in the glorious sunshine and fun.

Memories of Pregnancy:
I have had the great pleasure of being pregnant three times, two of the three pregnancies resulting in the happiest times of my life, as I have given birth and am now the mama of two sons, Big Bro, 6,  and Little Bro, 4.
From the moment that Dear Hubby and I found out that I was pregnant each time, we both experienced an overall sense of joy, hopefulness, and excitement that is almost hard to put into words.

We had our share of bumps in the road with the first two pregnancies...
Both times, we were told that the babies were not viable, but yet, we kept going back for appointment after appointment and then, both Big Bro and Little Bro were born...perfect in our eyes in every way...9s on their APGAR scores.

Two little miracles, Big Bro and Little Bro, defied the odds and were born healthy, happy, and kicking.

They both have been the best part of our lives, so last year, when we found out that we were expecting Baby #3, we were again so elated, although this time, we were totally shocked to say the least.
The even bigger shocker was that I was fairly far along when we found out that I was expecting.

We never had even entertained the idea that we could be expecting, as we were in the middle of moving and had been so busy going back and forth that it never, ever dawned on us that this could be the case.

Figured that I was exhausted from moving and unloading box after box.
Thought I was still having a monthly cycle, but now realize that I was probably spotting.
Then, when the spotting stopped, I actually thought that I might be going through the change of life rather early...
Well, right before Christmas, we lost the baby.
This was devastating on so many levels.
Blamed myself for not even knowing that I was expecting until the 11th hour.
How could I not have known for so long?

Well, it has taken time and some soul searching and still, I am left to wonder if things would have been different if only we would have found out sooner...but it does not change the end result.

While reflecting upon this last pregnancy, it has made me think about all of the various women who have either not been able to openly enjoy their pregnancies or who have ended up losing their babies either through miscarriage, stillbirth, etc. as well as those who cannot stay with their babies, as they have opted to give them up for adoption. It has made me reflect upon the pain Mother's Day must bring to these women, as well as to those who are unable to conceive.
It has also made me think of those who think that they are not able to handle raising a child for whatever reason but do not consider adoption and do the unthinkable...a loss for all humanity...

Feel so incredibly blessed to have two wonderful sons and to get to experience the day in-day out sorts of things with my children and Dear Hubby too.
Still long for what could have been for Baby #3, but for whatever reason, that was not to be...
We would have loved to have had the chance for our Little Sis to be with us here. We miss our baby Brynne Elizabeth each and every day. 

We do feel blessed though, as we know how better off our situation is than other families who never get to experience the birth and raising of their children.

Now, for the Montessori tie-in:
According to many reliable sources, including materials from both AMS and AMI, as well as Wikisori, and various biographies on Maria Montessori:
Dr. Maria Montessori had a love affair with her colleague, Dr. Montesano, which resulted in the birth of her son, Mario.
It would not have been acceptable in society at that time for her to wed Dr. Montesano, so their child was sent out to the country and was raised by a family there.
Dr. Montessori, whose life's work was with children, would not be able to let the world know that she was a mother until much, much later.

How devastating for her to have fallen in love with a colleague and then, due to societal constraints, to not be able to marry or to claim her child as her own until much later.
Dr. Montessori is one of the women for whom holidays must have brought such pain, and she would have had to have suffered in private, for she would not have been able to tell anyone about how she would have felt about not being able to raise her son, how hard it must have been to go day-to-day without getting to spend it with her son, much less to not get to spend holidays, the time when being with family is most incredibly painful.
Maria Montessori did not have any brothers or sisters, so she would not have been able to tell a sibling.
She was the only woman in the male medical profession, so she would not have been able to share the situation with her colleagues.
Her mother supposedly knew, as did the Montesano family, but that is according to what has been published.
When Dr. Montessori was finally able to let her son in on the secret that she was his mother and the fact that they developed into a very close mother and son gives hope to any moms out there who for whatever reason, have not been able to be in their children's lives.
Montessori had seen her son over the years, as she had what today would have probably been referred to as an open adoption. 
She was strong enough to live through the pain of having to put her son up for adoption.
Since she had what would be considered an open adoption arrangement with the family, she was able to reconnect with him in the years to come and was able to experience motherhood at a later age with him.

Hopefully, Maria Montessori's story will inspire those who are trying to decide what to do with their unplanned pregnancies.

Maybe there is someone out there who for whatever reason did not put 2 and 2 together to realize that she is expecting and now, has just found that out, as the test strip and blood tests are saying yes to what she thought was a definite no way...not me...couldn't be!!!

Maybe this young girl will see that things can turn out very well in the end and that there are many wonderful families out there who would be glad to step in and adopt her unborn child.

Dr. Maria Montessori and her son became exceptionally close and he even went on to take over her life's work upon her death.

Can you only imagine if this had not been the case?

She made the decision to have the baby and gave him up for adoption, even though she probably had to totally hide the fact that she was pregnant the entire time she was expecting him.
He had a nice life with a family out in the country and reconnected with her as his mom as he was entering into adulthood.

He successfully carried on her life's work and brought Montessori education and the Montessori Method into the forefront of educational philosophy and practice.

Here is a link about Mario Montessori, written by his daughter and Maria Montessori's granddaughter, Marilena Henny-Montessori.

If you ever hear of a young woman who is trying to decide what to do with an unplanned pregnancy, hope that you will share this ultimate success story of open adoption with her.

Right after the time that we lost our Baby #3, we were driving along and heard an absolutely horrific story of a  young couple who had killed their newly born child.
To hear such a terrible tale at any time is awful, but to hear such a news flash after the loss of your own child just adds another level of pain to your already nearly unspeakable grief.
It sickened me to no end and made me really ask the question:
Why, oh why, did they conceive a baby and their baby lived only to be taken away so incredibly cruelly and yet, our baby died and if ours would have lived, would have had such a wonderful life?

I don't know the answers to this...

Only know with certainty that I can share Maria Montessori's story and hope that if someone out there is really uncertain about having a baby, that there are options.

If you ever hear of a young person who is in this situation, please share this post with them.
Please tell them that they can choose to give their baby a better life.
There are so many childless families out there who would just love to experience being a parent who could give a baby a wonderful home and a loving, happy life.

Please visit Jennifer at Adventures in McQuill Land, as part of her Making Memories Monday.

Please be sure to check out Mommy Moment and their themed Montessori Monday posts.

as well as One Hook Wonder and her Montessori Monday links.


Mommy Moment said...

Thanks for this wonderful post Colleen! It is so hard to hear stories like that! Thanks for sharing your story with us all!

I am glad your Mother's day was great! I can't wait to hear more about it!!!

(((hugs))) Love ya!


Jennifer said...

Thank you for sharing your heart. I, too, am the mother of two wonderful boys... and the mother of two little ones we never were able to meet, to hold, and to love - in person, because we loved them from the moment I was told we were expecting. Every Mothers Day is an odd mixture of joy... and sadness.

The MMM link is now up. We were out of town visiting my Mom this weekend, and didn't get back by 10pm. Please go back and link up when you get a chance!

Becky said...

Thank you for sharing. I heard about Maria Montessori's son but I never thought of how painful it must have been for her...

This post was inspiring and persuasive! I hope many women who needed to hear it, did!

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